Feelings Feedings

Sitting here watching beginning of John Wick and I feel the tears well up in the corners of my eyes. Lately there have been a lot of sudden emotional moments. The difference was that this made some sense and had an understandable trigger. At this point in the movie he is there with his wife as she dies. Quietly handling the grief until outsiders destroy his grief process.

I have had random emotional episodes more often out of nowhere. Missing my Chocolate Doll. Missing a woman that made sense and actually wanted love and a relationship. A universe where things were bearable, supportive and so much more I miss the hell out of it all. Now I have bits and pieces of that. The person that I thought was going to be down with me had no interest in we except for that on the shelf until feel like it mentality.

So, I am here. About to take another step in a direction that is nowhere as sure as my marriage was. But the commitment has been there and remains there at least. Two that love me fully in their own way. Make actual effort and want a dynamic with me.

I miss everything that use to feel right even when everything was going on. I am thankful for what is going on now. But valentines was hard without my Chocolate Doll