Disconnect, Downfall and Design

The aspect of relationships have really come from a far away place it seems. With my interactions with folk in the last years since Chocolate Doll died I have seen it all.

From rd's attitude, temperament and non communication. To the distance and time limits of sl's things.

I have walked. Stepped out and extended open arms to folks. To have them see and hear my connection and trying to maintain something with them. Because I think that having a relationship requires communication, action, desire and appropriate expression.

Damn, was I wrong!

In this age of nonchalantness, they think they think like a man and all the other crap it has been come a demolition derby meets road warrior movies type of situation.

The females holler and claim they want a relationship and all this stuff. And I read about those that want marriage unlike most of their fellow gender don't want marriage or anything resembling it. They just want to have whatever things they want and do whatever they want when they want.

After looking back on these last year and especially everything that has happened in the last year I resigned myself to a standoffish mode. I am not putting in effort unless they make effort and since they are not I am just going to sit back and watch this until towards the end of the year. If there is no communication, interest, desire and love by the end of the year then I am good with severing everything now. But hey I gave it a shot and have given too damn many opportunities.

I haven't given up on love, relationship and marriage. But I do understand that it is dead and a gross fear for most people. So my connection is based on where someone is on their sliding scale. Right now everyone is chilling on the outside where they want to be and comfortable for them.

The scale has been way out of balance for a long time. So now I just laugh at the scale and know that reciprocity and the quality of relations will not be there.

So, just here among the moments and times that present themselves.