A Bridge Too Far

The title is based off book, movie and events of a WW 2 battle to save or destroy bridges to control enemy advancement. Thus a bridge too far.

So i saw a post of my best friend Ru today as she is off to her super 40th birthday celebration. And I had said I would be there years ago. And I would normally be bothered but I made a choice not to attempt to try and go this time.

Why? Well, a lot has caused me to see more clearly and define things more appropriately.

From episodes up until last year with 50 year old females that acted like they were 6 and wanted their way all the time to relations that were hit and miss. Ending with me analyzing, applying learned information and moving ahead.

Ru an I have been best friends for damn...10 years now. (yeah, I am shocked after I just realized that.) The one female that loves me for me and can deal with it without issue. And maybe that is because we can be ourselves with each other instead of the shit people do dating, in situationships and all. But hell I was able to just be me and be loved by my wife. Anyway. We have been in it through thick and thin. Good and bad. And even the worse of the worst.

I decided not to go on this celebration adventure with Ru in florida because i don't care for her cousin who i took to jamaica once and tried to talk to. Don't even remember why I didn't want to be bothered with her anymore and don't care. Plus she has all her people that will be there celebrating with her anyway. She will have a great time whether I am there or not. But the bottomline is that I came to an understanding about my interactions, relations and everything with others. Especially those I love and care about.

The disconnect and space has grown between people and myself. It has manifested itself in many different ways. From no communication to not wanting to talk about what they are feeling or what is going on with them. And instead of just saying fuck them. i evaluated and decided if there was a reason to continue interacting with them. Their fear, insecurity and negative aspects were all products of their past, their outlook and ability to step outside of the prison they have manufactured for themselves.

In essence I am an island, within a universe of my own. As little one and red have pointed out, don't understand and bothered about how I am not running around being friends with, talking to and treating everyone all wonderful from strangers, females to exes Because they need to be able to talk to and share with husbands, ex husbands and boyfriends and all. They need to be one big happy ball of human people as long as you stay in the right parameters.

I am not and will not fight for someone to understand and see or be more than they are. For I can sight beyond sight and they won't see or feel it. Thus making it all null and void. And i learned to step back and leave them to their own devices and ways. Give them that space that they want and need. I shall not walk into Hela's hands again for individuals contributing 50 or 60 % of themselves