Aging Thoughts of Fatherhood

chocolatezeus
Aug 26, 2015
3 min read

Since high school I knew I wanted to be a father. I had it all planned. Go to college, get married and by about 25 having our first child. The folly of youth made me think that it was all possible. I really didn't think it through, but that is how my mind was running.

From there I ran into a little bit of everything. From those I dated or even were just fucking ending up pregnant. I at least fucked the ones that I thought would make a semi decent parent. But the results were mind and life altering realizations.

There were miscarriages, fraudulent declaration of pregnance and I need an abortion bullshit. But the coup de grace was finding out that an ex lied about miscarrying our baby. Hell, she didn't even tell me until she had been pregnant for about 2 months at least. And she never told me that she had an abortion. I just had to think about who signed the medical form she showed me later on when I wasn't dealing with my grief. I couldn't believe that she killed our baby because she was concerned about her relationship with me. Citing that I wouldn't take care of our baby. Bitch, I was taking care of two children that were not even mine plus my god daughter. But when I finally realized her doctor friend signed the paperwork, I knew she was lying to me. She had intentionally killed our baby.

Even when I was married we tried and tried. We both wanted a child. But it never happened. It was something that put a continental divide between us. Because I no longer cared about having a child. And she was angry with me about my change in mind.

I just gave in and gave up. And I look at females as retarded monkeys when they say to me, "you dont have any children? Are you sure?" Yes, bitch I don't have any. Just because I am a black man doesn't mean I have children everywhere.

And then I hear guys and girls talking about be glad you don't have any. They are a headache and expensive. And I shake my head. Because they don't know how much of a blessing that would have been for me.

So with conversations and comments lately I wrote: