Twenty Twenty and Three

So my birthday came and passed saturday. There was nothing to be said about it basically. I didn't spend the month celebrating like I did last year or previously. I wasn't even able to go anywhere really.

It was filled with me and a lot of cigar smoking, drinking and thinking. *even though I really need to stop thinking*

Destiny has caused a lot of recalibrating.

I really need to finally get this release of the sadist in me. The things that I have kept on a leash. And spent last year learning LR and how to do things properly. I slow walked it all. Paid attention to safety and getting know her and everything. Now I need to feed. To slap, paint pain, stained pictures upon her body. To hear whimpers, screams and her quietness as she has slipped into her head space feeling. the things I did my due dilligence in. I now need to fruits of my labor and to unleash on that sexy body.

I have always thought hard and worked hard for the things I list as important to me. Here I am. The void has opened and called me. Slips into what was and is shine prominently. As I look at a future and leave it to "it is what it is." I merely watch the slipstream.

And I still haven't been able to use the rope things I have learned in classes I have attended. Hell, I was excited to see them at class and so looking forward to using them. Couldn't wait. Makes me remember I need someone I can do bondage things with. near. But then again it wouldn't be an issue if the monthly schedule was finally in effect. That crucifixion tie is still calling me. And hell I really need hands on rope practice.

I gave my word to LR and I failed. And that bothers me profusely. I may over think and share. But what is important to me I cherish, fight for and means so much to me.

I will continue my journey into the Darkside of Hell. Watching the angels and demons cringe at these experiences.