Natural Selection

I make definite choices. Things that seem like I am uncaring and feeling. And to most that does apply. But when you are the one that it doesn't apply to then you should be happy. Understand that you have me heart and soul. Not something that I give at all.

My fault is who and how I have relied on the chosen few. I used my thoughts and feelings and applied those. When I should have never used any of that. I should have just stood back and let it be. There are still plenty of times I forget that they cannot understand or grasp how I am and defintiely not the why.

I allowed feelings and expectations to take hold somehow. Looking back I wonder where did I let that seep in to destroy me. I let a number of things surface that should have never seen the light of day.

My selection process has changed but remained the same. I am not going to leave the application list open for anyone to apply. But I am definitely not going to invest heavily at all into anything.

After talking to Ru I have to laugh. Knowing she cares, accepts and understands I am just me. I realize I can no longer let my heart be in the equation as much as it use to be. I need to adjust to the times and society. Expectations and emotions are to be secured at all times.

My natural selection is normally comfort and peace. My refuge from everything. That is why I treat them so highly over others. Lately that comfort has been waivering. Flickering even. On the verge of being extinguished right now. That is my fault for putting that much into it.

Time to reapply Darwin's theorem.