My Mind: Gear of War

My mind is like an Altered Beast. It feeds upon me. Caged and uncaring it is it's own unstoppable army.

I have been this way since I was was so young, that it has become part of my breathing. The only thing now is that it is a Battle of the Five Armies within. I constantly feel the marching beat against my cerebellum.

This brings me to the point of being Captain Caveman, why are you so serious, the man with the booming voice and attitude. Plus many more things I am sure. My mind stays in the gear of total Onslaught. Constantly flooded with millions of analysis and thoughts. One of the contributing factors why I rarely sleep well at all.

I evaluate outcomes constantly. Thinking what are the possibilites of her doing this or that. Or her changing her mind and feelings. I mark the enemy presence on the tactical map in my mind. All the time wondering why the hell can't females be more direct about what they want and everything. Instead, I try to calculate the mindfield that she has laid out to deter anyone from getting close to her. And of course like anyone that knows me will tell you...I can get bored and disinterested and then I am as warm as the north and south pole combined. Simply put: You are either an enemy or an ally. The past doesn't change that, just current actions and time.

This makes me think about Ru Ru and her comment about she forgets about the females I meet unless they miraculously last longer than a minute. Which is very rare. Lmao, I know I am hard on em and picky. But damn, if I tell you what I want and my feelings and say "Let's do this!" Then let's strike up the band and march forward then. Ru understands I keep or break them. There is nothing in between and none of that let's be friends shit.

I hate not being able to have a clearer understanding of where things are going. It really agitates me like nothing other. But it is what humans do. How they are taught.

I remain in the dugeou of my mind. Tortured, ripped apart and rebuilt from light to dark. Standing back watching the show. Taking notes. Who not to be bothered with, who is a fraud and here for a show. And what may never be more than some good memories before it is gone. Here in this bloody battlefield of my mentality. There is only constant war with no sign of winning. Just a battle for eternity until this vessel is gone.

Oh well, it is time to fight on!